my thougths on easter

 have you ever stopped to wonder what it really was like to be in the garden with Jesus? we know because of biblical accounts that the disciples who were with Him fell asleep while Jesus was praying. how often have we been guilty of falling asleep during times with our Master? i read an article the other day that discussed the physical changes that went through Jesus' body during this period of time and it's shocking! i wonder what the disciples thought was happening... did they see the sweat drops of blood? did they realize Jesus was in agony? this image here is beautiful but the accounts of Jesus time in the garden of gethsemane are intense and sorrowful, moments of great betrayal and even hostility. we look on these events from behind and see that they all are leading up to a glorious victory but i wonder what it really would have been like to be there on that day. either as a character in the story or as a silent observer. in fact i am certain that at some point we have all been in the same place as the different characters. judas who betrayed Jesus, peter who slept through "prayer meeting" but was quick to come to the defense of Jesus even though he really didn't have a clue as to what was going on. and even maybe we have been the soldiers who are so certain that they are in the right and will stop at nothing to see "the right prevail".

once Jesus was arrested and questioned we don't read much about his disciples. we read the account of  peter who just hours before was overly zealous now denying that he even knew Jesus. again, i go back to the article i read...it talks about the physical beating that Jesus endured...silently i might add...isaiah 52:14 ~ "Just as there were many who were appalled at him his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any human being"

we later see Jesus on the cross, he has been nailed to the cross, a sign of mockery placed above His head and a crown of thorns placed, none to gently i presume, to His head. at golgatha we again encounter some of His followers: His mother, the disciple who Jesus loved (john) and the other two mary's...what has happened to the great crowds that triumphed Jesus just days before? i wonder what they were thinking. had some gone home thinking they had been wrong about this their Messiah? or were they standing off in the distance a part of them wanting to be there and yet not brave enough to join those at the foot of the cross? maybe they were those who were quickly persuaded to wave branches and throw their cloaks on the road in front of Jesus but were easily swayed and now shook their fists in the air yelling, "crucify, crucify!" again, i'm certain we can all relate to the characters...it's easy to follow the Lord when things are good but what about when there's opposition or persecution? i wonder what mary was thinking. she knew who her son was but sat there watching as her dreams and promises hung on the cross. i am sure that all seemed lost.

we all know the story...Jesus dies. and is buried. how dreadful. in His death He paid the penalty of our sin but to what cost?  Jesus is dead, where is the victory? for 3 days He lay in the tomb. i wonder what the people were thinking then. i would guess there was alot of hurt, confusion, disbelief, reality sinking in...Jesus is dead, we've gotta go on from here...

but the story doesn't end there!! (as i type i have countless songs running through my mind....Up From The Grave He Arose...Sunday's Coming...He's Alive and I'm Forgiven Heaven's Gates Are Open Wide...Was It A Morning Like This...) we all know what happened that sunday but again i wonder what it would have been like to be the characters there that day. the soldiers guarding the tomb, peter and john who ran to the tomb to check things out but remained baffled, mary who actually confronted Jesus but didn't realize it was Him, thomas who had to touch the wounds before he believed, the disciples who had hidden themselves out of fear... what role would be yours here? i would like to  think i that i would have known right away but i seriously doubt it.

i don't know what purpose i have in writing this except to share some of my thoughts on the story of Jesus death and resurrection. i alluded to an article i recently read and i will link it and encourage you to read it. http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/am/v4/n2/suffering-savior i am also going to include isaiah 52:13- isaiah 53. there are so many different prophecies and accounts of the story of salvation but this is one that has recently really tugged at my heart.

 

Isaiah 52: 13 - Isaiah 53

The Suffering and Glory of the Servant

 ¹³ See, my servant will act wisely^[b];
   he will be raised and lifted up and highly exalted.
¹⁴ Just as there were many who were appalled at him^[c]—
   his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any human being
   and his form marred beyond human likeness—
¹⁵ so he will sprinkle many nations,^[d]
   and kings will shut their mouths because of him.
For what they were not told, they will see,
   and what they have not heard, they will understand.

 ¹ Who has believed our message
   and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
² He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
   and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
   nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
³ He was despised and rejected by mankind,
   a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
   he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

 ⁴ Surely he took up our pain
   and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
   stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
   he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
   and by his wounds we are healed.
⁶ We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
   each of us has turned to our own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
   the iniquity of us all.
 ⁷ He was oppressed and afflicted,
   yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
   and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
   so he did not open his mouth.
⁸ By oppression^[a] and judgment he was taken away.
   Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
   for the transgression of my people he was punished.^[b]
9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
   and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
   nor was any deceit in his mouth.
 ¹⁰ Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
   and though the LORD makes^[c] his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
   and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
¹¹ After he has suffered,
   he will see the light of life^[d] and be satisfied^[e];
by his knowledge^[f] my righteous servant will justify many,
   and he will bear their iniquities.
¹² Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,^[g]
   and he will divide the spoils with the strong,^[h]
because he poured out his life unto death,
   and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
   and made intercession for the transgressors.

i didn't do it and learned a great lesson

have you ever known you were supposed to do something but didn't do it? geeesh, we all have! but what if you are sure it was God telling you to do it? have you ever not listened to Him? it happened to me just the other day.

let me give you some back ground info on the life and times of me...

i am the girl who had her ministry and had it figured out good, real good. i have often said that while i love nursing i work so that i can be a volunteer youth leader full time (you know, i gotta be able to afford new shoes *wink*). anyway, i'm not bragging but i had this youth leader gig down pat. after all we're talking more than 12 years of living and breathing teenagers! along that time i have worked in other ministry areas but everyone knew all of those would come in second, third, fourth... to youth stuff. all this youth ministry stuff came to a crashing halt several months ago and i was at first terrified and then excited. i began to wonder where God was leading me, what my purpose was, how to walk into uncharted territory... the first and scarriest step for me was accepting that there was most clearly that God was moving me out of youth ministry on to something else. i mean come on, i have for the past 21 years been going to at least one youth service/event a week. 21 years!! that's crazy! and now all of a sudden wednesday nights are free, empty and not filled with all the sights and sounds of youth ministry. and i didn't miss it. that scared the living day lights out of me! so over the course of the next several months i have purposed to "figure out" what God has for me.

i used those little quotation marks there on purpose becasue while i did seek God's will there was a LOT of anje's will thrown in to the mix as well. i pushed in certain areas, i pulled back when i got scared of the unknown. God has given me a burden for young women in the area of purity and doors have swung wide open. *insert commercial for this blogging ministry* http://awaitingmaiden.blogspot.com/. this has opened so many oppurtunities and has challenged me as well. other areas have been overwhelmingly hard. i am feeling God's leading towards a particular area of ministry that i feel passionate for but very unprepared for. i am activly seeking out wise council and taking giant leaps of faith (at least giant for me). i will share more on this as time goes by but i ask, beg, plead for your prayers!


all this to get to the not doing what God told me to do, i promise, i'm getting there!


i have shared my heart very openly with the women i call my aaron and hur (Exodus 17:12). if you don't have an aaron and hur i challenge you to find someone who can fill this role in your life. this example is one i have come to see as true friendship. the best part of this time has been these ladies don't always agree with me, each other and have been really honest about their personal feelings as well as seeking out how God is leading. we girls are emotional and passionate beings by nature and that can at times lead us astray. i have loved their honest and "real" wisdom.


and finally...


as i have already said, i have been very comfortable with how i have been used but on that sunday morning i knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that i was supposed to do something. i don't think i can explain the how i knew (i've been trying to ever since this happened) but one thing is certain, i knew it. i was scared to death and i challenged God to give me a sign...He didn't do it! and in the end, i didn't do what i was supposed to do. i have wrestled with guilt and let down but i really don't think that God was ever mad at me. i believe that He was, in this, teaching me to depend more and more on His leading. to trust Him to guide me. i wondered why He would push me into something so very different than what i know and again it's the need to trust Him.


this has opened a flood gate of oppurtunities for me. what i was supposed to do involved speaking and while i didn't speak that day i am learning that God has given me the gift of words. for a long time one of my most favorite things to do is to pour scripture and encouragement into the lives of people. i have found that facebook and blogging are great avenues to do this but all this time i haven't been doing this because it's a gift from God but because it's something i found that i was good at. it's amazing how turning this around and allowing it to be a ministry has given me so many chances to share. and also once again, God amazed me by allowing something that i feel like i'm good at be the way He wants to use me.


i know now that next time God speaks so clearly to me that i will listen and respond.